Why do I HATE the telephone?
Ringing telephones, ringing doorbells, beeping UPS units, smoke alarms, and Control G have one thing in common - they're all interruptions. The difference in my reaction and annoyance level is directly related to the importance of the event signaled by the interruption.
I have found, over the years, that my brain works in rather strange (I won't say mysterious) ways. When it decides to rush off headlong into a project, a compelling thought pattern, or even a nice nap or daydream, any disturbance causes a first reaction of *ARGH*. The next reaction will be determined by the importance of the interruption. For example, if it's my smoke alarm, the importance standard has been satisfied, and the task of making sure everyone is ok replaces whatever else I was doing on the stack of muddled thought patterns. And this is a "good thing" :-).
If, however, the first reaction of *ARGH* moves quickly into the subsequent reaction of &!^@%#, thought continuity is completely lost as my parasympathetic nervous system fails to stand down after the initial *ARGH*. The attempt to regain previous productive or otherwise useful thought patterns becomes more difficult, consistent with the level of &!^@%#, and any brilliant plans to end world hunger, promote whirled peas, or even feed the cats or pay the bills become lost.
The telephone is consistently the device which produces the most &!^@%#, although the doorbell can be a close second. This is because only the telephone has the capacity of creating an initial *ARGH* which is not only enhanced, but actually heightened by the subsequent &!^@%# event due to the sheer level of &!^@%# only made possible by certain events.
The most obvious &!^@%# producing event is the telemarketer. Although the "do not call" list has helped somewhat with this &!^@%#, it has not stopped the "courtesy calls" or the "let us add THIS to your current benefits" or the "this will only take a moment of your time" etc. It may have taken a moment of my time, but it also scrambled my brain patterns such that the *ARGH* does not stand down and the annoyance takes considerable time to overcome.
Perhaps as annoying as the telemarketer is the "idiot coworker" phenomenon. This &!^@%# producing type person calls to ask some earth shattering question, whose answer is usually literally right in front of them.
The next category of annoyance (although well meaning) are friends and relatives who want to call to talk about nothing. In case they haven't noticed, there are several much more efficient methods of communicating nothing to me. I have occasionally encouraged some of these friends and relatives to try honing their skills of telepathy. Don't worry, I'll get the gist of their normal messages.
So, what is the best way to communicate "small talk" or "order confirmations" or "thank you for being alive" or other such messages? I'm so glad you asked, for this was why the Goddess invented email. Email's interrupts can be turned off so that there is no *ARGH* that colors any following messages. Email can be accessed when thoughts reach a natural lull, so any &!^@%# can be dealt with by judicious use of the delete key. (Note, I am not saying spam is an ok thing, just that it is easier to deal with when there is no *ARGH* immediately preceding the &!^@%#). Email itself is not nearly as much an interruption or intrusion as the internal telephone.
To recap, if *ARGH* is immediately followed by &!^@%#, this is a "bad thing." If &!^@%# occurs with no *ARGH* it is better. If neither *ARGH* nor &^@%# occurs, it is by far the best. And that, gentle reader, is why I HATE the telephone.
Comments
what do you mean the phone sucks, it is the best thing ever!
-????
Posted by: ?????? | April 14, 2004 12:00 AM