The Magnificent Form Apology Page

 

Are you the type of person who finds yourself constantly apologizing for totally ridiculous things you do or say? Do you often have difficulty finding the right words to defuse your ridiculous actions? Well, you've come to the right place. Use a Form Apology. Simply choose your circumstances below:

Dearest

I am so terribly sorry for:

Saying such horrible things

Doing such horrible things

Wanting to do such horrible things

Existing on the same spiritual plane

Setting your house on fire

Selling your cat on ebay

Voting for Dubya

Breathing

Supporting the war in Iraq

Not understanding your needs

Not grokking that you are completely different from everyone else on the planet

Actually answering when you asked if that dress made you look fat

 

In future, I will endeavour not to

Appear at your parties smelling that way

Remove the duct tape covering my pie hole

Post those pictures you didn't know I'd taken

Eat the last of the Lucky Charms

Send your bank account numbers to Nigeria

Be such a flaming fuckwitted asshole

Lose the handcuff keys

Vote while watching South Park

Bother trying

Fake orgasms for your ego

 

As a gesture of my good will, I will

Wash your cars

Allow you to bask in my presence

Take you to dinner, Dutch

Banish myself to the nearest dessert

Banish myself to the nearest desert

Beat the shit out of myself

Walk naked through your workplace

Become an obese, wheezing, diabetic, cancer-ridden couch manatee

Become a dom on AOL

Buy you a pony

Commit seppuku

Give you all the sex toys

Not even bother trying

Tell you to GET OVER IT!



Again, my most sincere apologies. With great I remain

Yours,